Saturday 14 April 2018

The woman at the well


Once upon a time, in a land far far away there lived a woman and this is her story.

She had been brought up in the mountains with her older brothers and younger sister. Life was hard, always work to be done, not enough time to do it. Water needed to be brought from the stream, animals fed and cleaned out, food to prepare, brushing out the dust, washing to do and other chores given to her by her mother. It was so cold in the winter and the warmth from the fire never seemed to reach her bed.

She knew from a young age that something in the household arrangements was unfair. Her brothers didn’t help out at all, they just played and went out with their father leaving her , her mother and sister to do the all the chores. She longed to go with them, to see where they went, not to stay at home and work. They seemed so happy and full of adventure. When she raised the obvious imbalance in workload or suggested one of the boys in the household might want to clean up a little it just led to arguments that only left her feeling more isolated. As she grew older she looked forward to the summers when the snow would melt and she could sneak away sometimes and wander into the mountain to find a quiet spot where she could see far into the distance. She would sit and imagine life away from the mountain and away from her family. The time away was worth the argument with her mother and sister on her return.

As time passed her brothers left, they were told to go and find wives or a living. She was glad to see the back of them as their behaviour and mess had grown with their size. Once they had all gone her father seemed a bit lost without them and murmured about living in a house with just women. He seemed more and more ungrateful with each meal prepared for him. Her sister on the other hand appeared to be flourishing, she had always seemed happy with the work and now she had more time to spend chatting away to mother which made the household even more frustrating to live in. One grumpy old man and two chattering women, she was in desperate need of a rescue.

A few weeks before her fifteenth birthday a man came to the house and sat with her father talking and drinking for hours into the night and in the morning was introduced as her fiancĂ©! She was horrified. Her mother took her aside and explained that the time had come for her to be married and the man was a relative from the valley and would be a good husband for her. Her mother had no kind words for her only facts. They were to be married a month later and the only warm thoughts she had related to leaving her family behind and the chance for some adventure in the Valley. The people who came to the wedding seemed very happy to see her married and her brothers returned for the celebrations, some with wives and children, others looking pretty much the same as when they left. Her father was the happiest she’d seen him in a while and her mother was rushing around like a whirlwind. After the celebration was over the man loaded up the wagon and they left.

After travelling down the mountain they came to a village and a small house which was to be her new home. She was afraid and excited. She had left the mountain life behind but was not happy to be married to a man she did not know.

He was a hard working man and left each day to work in the Olive groves. He would return each evening, have his dinner and go to the bar leaving her behind to tidy up and wait for his return. She was bored. The other women in the village were friendly, showed her where the market was and helped her understand how to be a good wife. But after a couple of years when there was no child the women of the village stopped calling by and would avoid her at the market. Her husband stopped coming home for his dinner and went straight from work to the bar. Some nights he did not come home at all. When she had not had a child after three years the gossip started, after all no one knew her, she hadn’t grown up in the village. Some of the children had started to throw pebbles at her without any rebuke from their parents.

One night she sat alone and remembered those times on the mountainside when she had dreamed about her future and her hopes seemed to be drifting away. She decided to leave before they were gone completely. She packed a bag and left, she doubted she would even be missed.

She walked and walked, sleeping by the side of the road and stealing food from wagons passing her on the road. She arrived at the outskirts of a town feeling distraught and looking dishevelled. An old woman saw her and took her in, cleaned her up and suggested she stay with her for a while. She accepted, not only did she have no-where else to go but at least she could help the old woman with cleaning, it appeared to be her only talent. The old woman’s sons and husband had left to go to war and had all been killed leaving her a widow and childless without anyone to care for her. It appeared a new home had been found. When people asked who she was they were told that she was a daughter-in-law.

In her early twenties she fell in love. He was a handsome young man who brought the wood. One night he came and asked the old woman if they could be married. She agreed with the understanding that they were to live with her once married. It was a small wedding but she felt happier now than she had ever felt. Not long after they had a son and she was overwhelmed with the joy of her family. Two years pass and when a fever hit the town, the old woman and her son succumb. Her husband was so devastated at the loss of his son he left. She was alone again. She stayed for some time in the town but couldn’t shake off the memories and decided to move on.

At thirty she married the local bar tender for security. She did not want to be alone. One night a fight broke out and her husband was killed. Her brother in law married her out of tradition. This marriage doesn’t last as he was in love with another woman and one night she found he had left.

She moved on. She was empty, hopeless and lost. She came to a village and had just enough money to rent a room behind the butchers. She got a job with the butcher, her childhood experience of dealing with animals put her in good stead with the butcher and when he offered marriage she accepted. It would save money on the rent so seemed the most convenient thing to do and whilst she didn’t love him he wasn’t a bad man. Sometimes at night she would sit in the yard and look out at the stars. Her husband would tell her stories about the history of the region and its different religions when they were working, which whilst she thought were interesting thought he had made most of them up.

Time passed and the butcher died in his sleep one night. One of his customers took a liking to her and suggested she move in.

So here she is at 40, back at the beginning, cleaning, washing and fetching water. This morning she gets up and sits on the bed and thinks about her life. She remembers her son and a tear trickles down her cheek. She wonders whether her first two husbands were remarried and had children. She wondered whether she should have stayed with the first one. She is desperately lonely and fears her future will hold no joy for her and if it will just contain more grief. She remembers the mountainside and her dreams and another tear falls. She takes a few deep breaths and remembers it is time to get the water.

She picks up the water jar and realises there must be more water in it than she thought and decides to go tomorrow instead. As she puts the jar down a stone flies through the door, hits the jar and smashes it. The stone throwing had got worse recently and other than shout at the children there wasn’t much she could do about it. She gathers up the pieces and brushed away the spilled water. She picks up another water jar and heads for the well on the edge of town, it will be quieter there and the other women will have gone.

As she approaches she sees a man leaning against the well, a stranger to the village and as she approaches she thinks he has lost his way. He looks weatherworn and she notes that he must have been travelling for some days from the amount of dust on his clothes. His sandals are beside him and his feet are just showing from under his cloak. He appears to be sleeping. She balances the jar on the edge of the well quietly so as not to disturb him. As she reaches for the rope he moves and looks up at her. Their eyes meet and for a moment time stops, she can hear nothing but her heart beating and then he speaks....

“Can you get me a drink of water?”





Eve still getting the blame after all these years!


Through-out history and on a global scale women have been more oppressed, more deprived, more used and abused than men. Women have been considered the lesser of the sexes, disregarded as weaker, portrayed as manipulating and dangerous. Her femininity brought into disrepute by calling them ‘wiles’ and in more recent times any woman who pushed her head above the parapet to point out inequality was labelled a feminist and to be disregarded as militant.


Women who are successful in their spheres are blamed for not being at home and those that choose to stay home to look after children and the home are mocked as a ‘stay at home mom’ and economically punished. In the church they fight for equality, in the workplace they fight for equality and at home they fight for equality in chores, childcare and financial decision-making. Women have strived for equality and are still fighting for the truth that they are as valuable and worthy of honour and respect as men but are still subject to inherited blame when bad things happen to them.

There have been women blazing a trail for equality who have made improvements in some parts of the world but it is still not an agreed principle by everyone everywhere that women are equal to men.

So let’s start with the first story in our human history and there in the whisper at the back of our minds is the woman who ruined it for everyone and therefore she and her daughters deserve what they get. She is the second human being, she is created after Adam out of his ribs and therefore subject to his whims and his power. If we read the story rather than believe the shared myth, we find Adam lonely, longing for something that is like him. God creates Eve out of Adam’s rib and not out of dust.  She is also made in the likeness of God and created to be his helper in equality to look after the earth.

She is created in equality and until we can get rid of the myth that she is ‘less than’ we will continue to fight for equality and shout in rallies that women are not to blame!

To blame women comes so naturally when they experience abuse, so ingrained in our minds that women can believe it too! ’What did I do to bring this on myself’? The blame starts; ‘Where was she and how was she dressed?  Why was she there, why did she allow this to happen? Why did she trust him? Why didn’t she just leave or call for help?’ We blame the woman first and the blame brings the fear, the shame and the silence. We teach each other to stay safe; to not walk alone at night, to not get too drunk at a party and to cover our drinks when in the pub in case they get drugged, if you’re on the late bus do not sit upstairs, not to flirt, not to be too friendly, not to, not to, not to and so the lists goes on.

We are living in a time where we have the #metoo campaign and rallies and Women’s marches and a hope that the myth that women are there as a commodity to use and abuse is diminishing. The #metoo is helping women feel they are not alone and not to blame and once the blame goes the fear, the shame and the silence are also on the way out. Women are becoming more vocal, going on marches and calling for more and swifter change and we hope beyond hope that the men are watching, listening and believing in equality. Hoping that we will hear from more men standing with women to say it’s time to change attitudes and behaviour.

We’ve had an advert campaign about consent and we need more, more teaching our young and old men that women are not ‘less than’ them, not a commodity to use and abuse. Instilling in our minds, enough to override the old myth, that women are equal and society will be at his best and most civilised when we have mutual respect for the opposite sex. Once we see another human as worthy of honour, respect and love regardless of their status, race, sexuality or gender we might find we are living in a civilised society. If we could help each other to be the best we can be rather than oppressing one half of the human population what a difference it would make to our planet.